It is rare that I write about my personal life but my thoughts are calling to be written.
Currently, my father is undergoing cancer treatment for Lymphoma. He is an exceptionally healthy man for his age and treatment will most likely be successful, but his experience on this Earth is limited.
Over the holidays I got to spend a few weeks with my father and siblings, (my mother passed on a few years ago), in my childhood home. I live on the other side of the country so do not get to visit nearly as often as I would like, so the time was enormously valuable. We had Christmas dinner together, enjoyed each others company, met with long time friends, and cleaned out old boxes of memories left in the attic.
My father and I had several discussions about life, as we always do.
One thing particularly struck me and keeps percolating in my brain.
How will you feel when you come to the end of your life?
I look at my father and realize how peaceful he is, how he radiates the energy of a man who has lived an honorable and beautiful life. He has the peace that only comes from having carefully lived a life of integrity, honesty, and care.
There is not a person who knows my father who doesn't think he is an outstanding human being. There is not a person alive who has anything other than the highest regards for my father. There is no one who who doesn't honor the life of my father as exemplary and outstanding in every way.
How many people have this sort of peace when they leave this life?
When I asked my father what his greatest accomplishment or achievement was, he responded, "I have a great family". He didn't mention his awards and medals from his service in the army, nor he didn't mention his extraordinary success as a business owner.
He lived his life so as to have no regrets. He was the best husband he could be, taking care of my seriously ill mother for years on end. He was the best father he could be, instilling us with the values of honor and decency. (I'm pretty sure I heard the words integrity and honesty before I knew my alphabet).
In all areas of his life he lived a noble life, treating others with respect and kindness.
If you were to ask my agnostic father what religion he is, he would say that his religion is kindness; in every way his life exemplifies this.
Now that I am home and back to my regular routine, I am reminded to live a life of nobility and honor. I hope that when my time here is finished, like my father, I can feel the peace of knowing I lived a good life with no regrets. I hope, like my father I can leave this world feeling it is better because I visited. I hope, like my father, my family and loved ones know how much I love and cherish them.
One of the gifts we receive from those who are ahead of us in life's journey, is the awareness to live without regrets. We can make changes while we are young. We can heal wounds and restore relationship. We can alter our course, eliminate bad habits, and embrace more of what is truly important.
We can choose today to live and outstanding life.
Today, I reflect on the end of life to remind myself how to live.
Thank you to my fabulous father!
Friday, January 30, 2009
Death, Dying, and Living
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12 comments:
Very powerful! Everyone needs to do this. Very thought provoking.
Thanks for sharing.
Debbie
Beautiful post! I actually did an exercise to experience my death. I was horribly afraid! But it made me realize how precious our time is. I also know I am not ready to go yet. I have so much more I want to do...
I have to say that what you are describing (in terms of your father and the way he is regarded and spoken about) is a little alien to me. What a blessing that just that is! I can only imagine what growing up under his influence must have been like :) But I also believe that each of us arrives in the perfect family situation for the things we're to experience and the lessons learned.
Maybe because I'm going to be a grandma pretty soon (for the first time), I've been thinking alot about the Circle of Life.
I think when my time comes, I'll leave a pretty good set of footprints in the sand. The pathway might be a little swervy here and there, and there may be marks where I fell along the way, but all in all, I think they'll speak OK of me.
And I'm trying to improve on that! LOL
Peace and Love to you and your Dad. It was a privilege to be able to know him a little bit through your post.
Beautiful post. I love how you described his religion as one of kindness. I have been raising my children to view religion or beliefs on God as a vehicle to help us get to the same place. (to become a person like your father) Using this metaphor I am teaching them that not everyone even needs to drive a car. Many people would probably learn and see more around them by walking.
I have taught them to never judge another person by the type of car they drive or if they don't use a car at all. As long as we do not harm another, it shouldn't matter how we get there.
Jennifer
My uncle died on Friday. He was 86 and had been ill for years. Not easy for my mother who lost her husband (my step-father) last year.
In answer to your question, I don;t know. Let's hope I can make a fist of things for the next 30 years or so!
Hi Jen,
This is a beautiful blog entry. Thanks for sharing.
You have raised a very difficult question, but at the same time, the answer you have given, through your father's example---this answer is simple, profound, perfect.
Someone who lives a life of integrity, honesty, and care will undoubtedly be at peace with himself.
Love & Hugs,
Vikram
A wonderful post about a wonderful human being ie. your loving father.I wish him speedy recovery.
The world needs upright and kind persons like your father.
God bless him and your family.
thanks for your sharing this story of yours. its inspired me, and hope it will inspires other, as well.
God bless u and fam. Greetings from Indonesia.
Hi Jennifer, I've given you the Premio Dardos award, for which you are very deserving. You can get details at my blog.
My mother lay there dying & she said, "I've had a wonderful life".
I thought how can she say that now when she's dying--the worst thing that happens to you.
I've accepted it'll happen to me. (Young people feel immortal.)
That's what I'll say to my "kids".- I've had a wonderful life.
I often ask myself, "If I knew I was going to die tonight, how would I spend today?" It usually doesn't change what I do so I figure I'm on the right path.
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